Hear that whirring sound? It’s the calendar pages, and somehow it’s already my birthday again.
Me on my10th birthday, in my “jams” and fake GUESS t-shirt from Mexico, which I thought made me THEE coolest kid on the block*! [*There was no block! So maybe “…on Rural Route 2”!]
I’m grateful to be alive!
I’m thankful for everything and everyone that sustain me!
…….and yet!
I’m fairly terrified of several factors (ALL THE FACTORS) about getting older. Perhaps first and foremost, about being un-partnered and not having any1 kind of retirement saved up—which, before you judge me, was just in the national news (again) about being a very Gen X thing.
I’m also trying super, super hard to accept that aging is a natural process. That it’s pointless to pay for anti-aging fakery, not to mention the wrong outlook on life to resent what is, in fact, a gift: getting to keep on keeping on.
I want to take the more Zen approach of realizing that wrinkles and other “flaws” are earned. But it ain’t easy. (There are no companies currently peddling products with a promise to “enhance and highlight evidence of wisdom and earned experience!”)
As I engage in my typical birthday-time reflectiveness, why not allow you to join in? And so, I ask:
Elders:
what advice would you give your younger-midlife self as you were closing in on the half-century mark, but not quite there? And / or:
What would you say to reassure me about things to look forward to as I get older? (And don’t say grandkids, because — unless I miraculously meet a wonderful person, and he already has them — it ain’t gonna happen. BTW: anyone accepting applications for a step-grandma?)
X’ers:
what do you tell yourself each time another birthday rolls around?
Do you FEEL this old?? Or am I the only one who still thinks she might actually be… 27ish?
What are you fearing/ looking forward to?
Everyone’s responses are encouraged! (And/but women responders receive extra points, which I’ll tally in my (fake) roster and send you a (fake) prize! [Extra points because aging is harder for us! And if you don’t believe me, ask how many women are getting away with things like this.])
Thanks for reading, and for sharing your earned wisdom!
Let me hear from you. — Alison
P.S. I pre-set this post to publish on the morning of my birthday. I try to reply to everyone who leaves a comment. If you respond to my question(s) and I don’t respond fairly immediately, it’s because I’m (hopefully) in a kayak in upper Michigan! I’ll respond when I return.
When I say I don’t have “any,” that’s not entirely true! I have SOME, but what looks like barely enough to live on for … a scarily short amount of time. I say “looks like” because I’m too scared to actually sit down and mathematically figure it out. Or I need someone else to do it for me, (and then hand me a drink before they deliver the news!)
Be 47. Don't look back to other times. Don't spend time in the future. Be aware and conscious of today. Start a meditation practice. Smile at someone. Help out if you can. Read a good book.
All excellent advice— especially the part about getting BACK to my once-solid meditation practice. Every line of this is great, thank you!! And thanks for reading and commenting.
I’m 54 (if I did the math right? Born in 1969). I haven’t paid attention to age in a long time. To me, it’s not what’s important. In my mind I’m probably still 18 or at least early 20s hahahaha! I let go of thinking about what others thought about me (or my appearance) an equally long time ago (ok maybe for just the past 4-5 years). Once I discovered that I was content and happy being single, it was easy to let those things go. You don’t need a partner to be content or happy. It goes against the grain of society and culture for sure (especially for our generation), but, as cliche as it sounds - I never felt more alone than when I was married.
If you haven’t, you should totally read Lyz Lenz. Her newest book is incredible!
This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life
Love everything in this comment sooooo much!! First of all, that you actually had to do the math. Love the idea of just stopping counting! Also glad to know I’m not the only one who feels way younger than their actual age. I do feel the one great positive trade off of aging has been caring less about what others think of me. Hope that grows and grows til I give zero f’s 😆.
And, you’re right, it might sound cliche but it can feel so horrible as you described. (Have I mentioned I’m divorced…?) It does indeed go against the grain! But hopefully as I age, I’ll also get less and less bothered by being single. And finally, I love Lyz’s Substack and definitely need to read the book!
At 73, I am finally relaxing into my quiet, introverted self. After pushing so hard to be what I needed to be to get through my life, finally I can rest. People don’t really care how much I weigh nor wear. What an insight! I learned I don’t “owe” pretty to the world. I owe my truth, and it ain’t always pretty! 😉 Be unashamedly you, my friend, it is enough. ❤️
I look at birthdays the same way I look at New Years, it's just another day. Are you any different from you were yesterday? I'll admit #50 freaked me out, but since then I've learned that 1. I've been good at saving for retirement (essential), 2. I need to stay in shape (gotta work on that), 3. Cut out the caffeine and sugar! Oh, and most of all - CHILL. Enjoy nature, learn to calm your mind. Hope that helps!
All great advice, and all of which I’m struggling with! 😬 I guess except the caffeine, I did cut that way back. I just got to enjoy 2 days of nature!! Felt wonderful. Thanks for reading and participating!
Be 47. Don't look back to other times. Don't spend time in the future. Be aware and conscious of today. Start a meditation practice. Smile at someone. Help out if you can. Read a good book.
All excellent advice— especially the part about getting BACK to my once-solid meditation practice. Every line of this is great, thank you!! And thanks for reading and commenting.
Happy Birthday! I'm 73, so there's that. Since you asked, my biggest piece of advice and personal stretch for you, perhaps, is to trust yourself.
Thank you, Julie! And you’re right, it can be a struggle for me! Good goal to work on. ☺️
I’m 54 (if I did the math right? Born in 1969). I haven’t paid attention to age in a long time. To me, it’s not what’s important. In my mind I’m probably still 18 or at least early 20s hahahaha! I let go of thinking about what others thought about me (or my appearance) an equally long time ago (ok maybe for just the past 4-5 years). Once I discovered that I was content and happy being single, it was easy to let those things go. You don’t need a partner to be content or happy. It goes against the grain of society and culture for sure (especially for our generation), but, as cliche as it sounds - I never felt more alone than when I was married.
If you haven’t, you should totally read Lyz Lenz. Her newest book is incredible!
This American Ex-Wife: How I Ended My Marriage and Started My Life
Love everything in this comment sooooo much!! First of all, that you actually had to do the math. Love the idea of just stopping counting! Also glad to know I’m not the only one who feels way younger than their actual age. I do feel the one great positive trade off of aging has been caring less about what others think of me. Hope that grows and grows til I give zero f’s 😆.
And, you’re right, it might sound cliche but it can feel so horrible as you described. (Have I mentioned I’m divorced…?) It does indeed go against the grain! But hopefully as I age, I’ll also get less and less bothered by being single. And finally, I love Lyz’s Substack and definitely need to read the book!
At 73, I am finally relaxing into my quiet, introverted self. After pushing so hard to be what I needed to be to get through my life, finally I can rest. People don’t really care how much I weigh nor wear. What an insight! I learned I don’t “owe” pretty to the world. I owe my truth, and it ain’t always pretty! 😉 Be unashamedly you, my friend, it is enough. ❤️
Love this, Kathy!!! You’re right, you so don’t owe it; none of us do!! Having said that, you are beautiful inside and out!
Age is just a number. However, the larger the number the wiser you will be. :)
I look at birthdays the same way I look at New Years, it's just another day. Are you any different from you were yesterday? I'll admit #50 freaked me out, but since then I've learned that 1. I've been good at saving for retirement (essential), 2. I need to stay in shape (gotta work on that), 3. Cut out the caffeine and sugar! Oh, and most of all - CHILL. Enjoy nature, learn to calm your mind. Hope that helps!
All great advice, and all of which I’m struggling with! 😬 I guess except the caffeine, I did cut that way back. I just got to enjoy 2 days of nature!! Felt wonderful. Thanks for reading and participating!